Sea ice melting is a commie lie!

Hot off the presses from FauxNews.

Should have known, those elitist Europeans and pesky Ruskies would be trying to fake us all out and destroy capitalism and especially the most patriotic of all industries, the oil companies. The commie Ruskies (yeah, they’re still commies, once a commie, always a commie) put up a ESA satellite (what do they know about such things, USA! USA! USA!) and the lying satellite is putting out this stupid lie that Arctic sea ice is melting even faster than the alarmist liberal commie U.S. elites said. Everybody knows you can’t trust a European,  esp. their satellite named CryoSat (ha-ha, they can’t even spell the Greek sandwich right).

CryoSat-2 is the world’s first satellite to be built specifically to study sea-ice thickness and was launched on a Dniepr rocket from Baikonur cosmodrome, Kazakhstan, on 8 April, 2010. Previous Earth monitoring satellites had mapped the extent of sea-ice coverage in the Arctic. However, the thickness of that ice proved more difficult to measure.

And all this stupid satellite does is prove the ungodly climate alarmists were wrong anyway:

This rate of loss is 50% higher than most scenarios outlined by polar scientists …


“Preliminary analysis of our data indicates that the rate of loss of sea ice volume in summer in the Arctic may be far larger than we had previously suspected,”

See those stupid scientists were wrong before so why should we trust them now with their revisionist math. Science doesn’t have the durability that our bronze age science books have and they make so many mistakes they have to constantly revise whereas we haven’t changed our mind in thousands of years.

But just on the off chance that some natural cycle, completely unrelated to the commie and islamic propaganda to claim climate is changing, it looks like we might be able to head up there and catch all those fish that have been wasted on feeding whales and seals. And with no ice we’ll be safe from polar bear attacks since they’ll all drown. Maybe we can even create another ark museum up to rip off all the tourists that will be sailing to the north pole.

Of course it’s all just a lie. The Kochs need to start another study to show all that data from lying Ruskie satellites is just being incorrectly modeled by the lying liberal scientists who just have a political agenda to steal from the rich. There is bound to be another weatherman whose mind is corrupted by having any academic degrees who will take the money to prove those elitist scientists with their PhD’s what’s-what. Actually the Kochs have already started an engineering project to melt all that stupid ice so they can go up there and get even more oil.

And then, on top of everything else, the scientists actually admitted:

Sea-ice cover in the Arctic varies considerably throughout the year, reaching a maximum in March

See, it’s just a random variation. There is no such thing as global warming (didn’t they see how cold it was one day last winter in Missoula). And they’re just guessing anyway:

Nevertheless, experts say computer models indicate rates of ice volume decline are only likely to increase over the next decade.

See they just say likely, well, we want absolute certainty, like our books says, before we’d ever believe anything. And what are these computer models, sorta like video games I bet so who’d pay any attention to those.

So another day, another lie for the liberal scientists. Can’t trust a one of them. Fortunately Ryan will purge all this nonsense when he cuts all that wasteful spending on science – that will teach them a lesson. And always fair and balanced FauxNews will do everything it can to guarantee the right party gets elected.


About dmill96

old fat (but now getting trim and fit) guy, who used to create software in Silicon Valley (almost before it was called that), who used to go backpacking and bicycling and cross-country skiing and now geodashes, drives AWD in Wyoming, takes pictures, and writes long blog posts and does xizquvjyk.
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4 Responses to Sea ice melting is a commie lie!

  1. Doug says:

    Very good. That’s funny. Clever humor. However, I’d say that even though global warming is very real, there is no proof that humans have caused Global Warming. The historical record(from ice cores) shows that Global Warming has happened without human intervention. Heating happens first and then after the heating CO2 rises. What causes the heating? Not exactly known. There are 100,000 year cycles but we don’t have historical records. As far as I know there were no satellites available 100,000 years ago to collect accurate data. And I’m not very fond of the literature from that time — they were very poor writers.

    • dmill96 says:

      AFAIK the mechanism by which CO2 traps heat is well known and understood. If anyone had counter-evidence I’m sure it would have been thrown into the debate. CO2 emissions are connected with a wide variety of natural processes and can change as a consequence of rearranging the earth’s surface. Historical, at least long duration, cycles may be the consequence of very large magnitude events.

      As to the causality issue you raise, “Heating happens first and then after the heating CO2 rises”, I haven’t seen that before and it would be relevant, perhaps there are some sources you can point out. I know there is a feedback loop like that on methane, an even worse greenhouse gas, that higher temperatures in colder regions will increase methane from more rapid decomposition of biomass, or possibly in some case warmer sea water could release methane from some of the methane-hydrates. But typically, at least I though, warmer water increases the solubility of CO2, plus the biological activity of sequestering CO2 is increased by warmer surface temperatures. AFAIK these parts of the carbon cycle are incorporated in the models as are other feedback loops.

  2. Pingback: Technology will ride to the rescue | dailydouq

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