Hot off the presses from FauxNews.
Should have known, those elitist Europeans and pesky Ruskies would be trying to fake us all out and destroy capitalism and especially the most patriotic of all industries, the oil companies. The commie Ruskies (yeah, they’re still commies, once a commie, always a commie) put up a ESA satellite (what do they know about such things, USA! USA! USA!) and the lying satellite is putting out this stupid lie that Arctic sea ice is melting even faster than the alarmist liberal commie U.S. elites said. Everybody knows you can’t trust a European, esp. their satellite named CryoSat (ha-ha, they can’t even spell the Greek sandwich right).
CryoSat-2 is the world’s first satellite to be built specifically to study sea-ice thickness and was launched on a Dniepr rocket from Baikonur cosmodrome, Kazakhstan, on 8 April, 2010. Previous Earth monitoring satellites had mapped the extent of sea-ice coverage in the Arctic. However, the thickness of that ice proved more difficult to measure.
And all this stupid satellite does is prove the ungodly climate alarmists were wrong anyway:
This rate of loss is 50% higher than most scenarios outlined by polar scientists …
“Preliminary analysis of our data indicates that the rate of loss of sea ice volume in summer in the Arctic may be far larger than we had previously suspected,”
See those stupid scientists were wrong before so why should we trust them now with their revisionist math. Science doesn’t have the durability that our bronze age science books have and they make so many mistakes they have to constantly revise whereas we haven’t changed our mind in thousands of years.
But just on the off chance that some natural cycle, completely unrelated to the commie and islamic propaganda to claim climate is changing, it looks like we might be able to head up there and catch all those fish that have been wasted on feeding whales and seals. And with no ice we’ll be safe from polar bear attacks since they’ll all drown. Maybe we can even create another ark museum up to rip off all the tourists that will be sailing to the north pole.
Of course it’s all just a lie. The Kochs need to start another study to show all that data from lying Ruskie satellites is just being incorrectly modeled by the lying liberal scientists who just have a political agenda to steal from the rich. There is bound to be another weatherman whose mind is corrupted by having any academic degrees who will take the money to prove those elitist scientists with their PhD’s what’s-what. Actually the Kochs have already started an engineering project to melt all that stupid ice so they can go up there and get even more oil.
And then, on top of everything else, the scientists actually admitted:
Sea-ice cover in the Arctic varies considerably throughout the year, reaching a maximum in March
See, it’s just a random variation. There is no such thing as global warming (didn’t they see how cold it was one day last winter in Missoula). And they’re just guessing anyway:
Nevertheless, experts say computer models indicate rates of ice volume decline are only likely to increase over the next decade.
See they just say likely, well, we want absolute certainty, like our books says, before we’d ever believe anything. And what are these computer models, sorta like video games I bet so who’d pay any attention to those.
So another day, another lie for the liberal scientists. Can’t trust a one of them. Fortunately Ryan will purge all this nonsense when he cuts all that wasteful spending on science – that will teach them a lesson. And always fair and balanced FauxNews will do everything it can to guarantee the right party gets elected.