I first used this as a title line back in June 2012 (post) and then dropped it since it got to be a fairly boring topic. And today it is a brutally cold day to leave home but I just wanted to get back in the “zone” that exists being here, isolated via my headphones and Pandora, where I can write posts in privacy and for my own satisfaction. As I’ve previously commented I get evicted from my home on Sundays, an irritation to me when it first started, but eventually coming to enjoy my time “away” where I can do what I want.
Unlike most people I don’t want people (at least most of them) that I actually know to read my posts. In essence this process is anonymous (hidden in plain sight) and so I can say (with some reservations) whatever I want, something I can’t do around actual people. Who out there cares about any of this or even has the slightest connection to me as a real person? Actually that’s a nice anonymity that allows freedom of expression. I doubt many other people would see it this way, but it works for me.
I started blogging as a mechanism to talk about what I want to talk about without concern whether anyone wants to listen to me. You see, I do like to talk, a lot. (I know it’s a personal flaw that can be irritating to others.) And I talk about stuff in too much detail (thus boring to others) and stuff that is mostly removed from “real” life. People around me are much more interested in the day-to-day drivel of real life and it seems that in most social media drivel is the main topic. Of course my posts are drivel to anyone else even if I extend beyond the usual smalltalk. So as there is no one in real life who wants to listen to my ideas I can instead just broadcast them into empty cyberspace.
So I really started blogging as an alternative to a journal, writing about whatever struck my fancy, but then having a permanent record to return to at some future time. Some day, when I’m really bored, I may go back and read all my posts (ideally in a single sitting just to get the overall feel). I doubt I can really reconstruct how I was feeling as I wrote each post, but at least I can get a sense of the issues that have been on my mind over a few years. I do have some really old journals I did and frankly most of it doesn’t make much sense to me decades later, so I suspect this will be the same.
But after a while my post topics get repetitive and routine. Once I start a thread I felt obliged to update the latest on each thread. Like any discussion though, after a while, that gets boring (to me, and more so to any readers) and so the thread is no longer interesting. But the nice thing about a semi-permanent record is that I can go back to old threads and pick them up again. I wonder at times how long will wordpress.com keep all this stuff. When I thought I was dying I even wondered how long any of this would survive me as the other evidence of my existence would probably disappear rather quickly. They say nothing ever really disappears once it’s on the Net, so maybe some future Ken Burns will use a few of my posts in some documentary about life in the early 21st century. And who will care?
But since this blog is my little secret that I don’t want discovered I found I rarely could add posts while at home (where my activity is likely to be discovered and questioned). So my time at Starbucks is the main opportunity for “me-time” and write my posts without checking to see if anyone else is looking at my screen.
So I might as well continue to add my tiny quantity of bits to the deluge of digital rumblings and maybe some future data mining agent will make something out of them. For now this media just continues to be, for me, a way to record my meaningless life, lost in the sea of humanity. But somehow I doubt the massive quantity of other social media drivel will be any more relevant than my bits.
So if there is anyone out there why don’t you add to this thread but recording of a comment of why you even spent the few milliseconds of your attention span looking at this.