Don’t eat chemicals!

I haven’t ridiculed popular nutrition/diet sources for a while so I guess it’s time. I’ll start with this one, as usual from one of the worst sources of woo, HuffPo’s Healthy Living section (why do I keep reading HuffPo, not only are most of their articles stupid (and I am a leftie but like truth) their HTML and Javascript constantly destroy my browser). Anyway here’s the amusingly stupid article under seemingly innocuous title; the first line is killer:

Many of the foods we eat are full of chemicals.

MANY? How about ALL you silly person. This reminds me of the line in Casablanca:

Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?

Renault: I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!

Employee of Rick’s: [hands Renault money] Your winnings, sir.

Someone is telling my food contains chemicals. Then they throw out a long chemical name to scare me. Wow, I bet my food contains: dihydrogen oxide (must be source of horrible anti-oxidants),  or even  O-α-D-glucopyranosyl-(1→2)-β-D-fructofuranoside (and that shit might actually kill you) and there are probably lots of disulfide bonds among the amine and carboxyl groups of the polypeptides.

You dumbshits – learn some chemistry before you start denouncing chemicals in foods or long chemical names.

Oh, I’m supposed to realize they actually mean “added chemicals” which of course are always awful in comparison to organic/local/range-fed/hook-caught chemicals many of which are far more toxic (hey writer, have you had the guts to try fugu in Japan? I have.)

This Luddite mentality of nutrition is totally stupid. People need legitimate, honest, accurate and helpful information about eating and health, not politics. Where are the facts in any article like this instead of just scare tactics. No wonder the public just tunes all this stuff out, the industry shills telling us everything is wonderful, the nutrition scolds telling us everything will kill us (wait until somebody finds something wrong with kale, oh gosh, they have – organic green stuff is the more common cause of food poisoning with raw milk a close second, so rather than a small dose of known and tested “chemicals” you ingest unknown amounts of well-known pathogens – smart!)

And of course there is also always this bit:

If you’re concerned, there are thankfully plenty of preservative-free items out there. They might spoil a little bit quicker, but at least you won’t be eating any calcium disodium ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid.

That’s right, Mr. Elitist. When there are countless millions, maybe billions of people eating from trash dumps, we spoiled first-worlders are prepared to throw out perfectly good food because we’re scared of a long chemical name (which, btw, suppresses thoroughly organic organisms with long Latin names) because we can afford to be wasteful and ignore the rest of the world starving.

The same issue applies to anti-GMO nonsense. Oh sure let’s condemn factory agriculture because we’re rich enough to eat hand-grown organic local stuff when huge portion of the world’s population would be happy to get anything to put in their bellies – the arrogance! (And most of these folks are otherwise liberals, but they like their perqs just as much as the Wall Street traders)

So let’s hear it for chemical free food otherwise known as no food at all and see how much you like that diet.




About dmill96

old fat (but now getting trim and fit) guy, who used to create software in Silicon Valley (almost before it was called that), who used to go backpacking and bicycling and cross-country skiing and now geodashes, drives AWD in Wyoming, takes pictures, and writes long blog posts and does xizquvjyk.
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2 Responses to Don’t eat chemicals!

  1. D.T. Nova says:

    “dihydrogen oxide”
    Also known as dihydrogen monoxide, which sounds even scarier.

    • dmill96 says:

      Thanks for the reminder. You’re right, that does sound scarier.

      One of my other favorites is Xanthan gum which sounds weird at the very least. Undoubtedly the anti-“chemicals” crowd think this is something exotic when in fact it’s entirely “organic”. Before people start complaining about chemicals in their food they should learn at least junior high chemistry.

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