Yep, $10,000 status symbol, got to have it

I have no idea how to include YouTube in WordPress so I’ll just post the URL and you can go look for yourself. I got the link to this video from a Huffpo post where I’ll copy their money quote from the skit by College Humor.

“The most groundbreaking feature is that it allows you to communicate with unrivaled accuracy that you have $10,000,” intones an actor portraying Apple’s Senior Vice President of Design, Jony Ive. Then Fake CEO Tim Cook notes, “If I want to check my net worth, for instance, I just look at my wrist. Oh yeah, I’m rich.”

That’s right, the watch exists for the sole purpose of showing you’re rich, but guess what, only poseurs will do it (the real rich, like bond traders at Wall Street think $10,000 is a tip, not until the item is in the millions does it even approach being a rich guy’s toy).

It’s not just the gold iWatch that’s silly – the whole technology as a fashion statement thing (or status symbol) is really ridiculous. Apple is turning from a pretend-technology company (one I used to admire, the first computer I bought with my own money was a Mac and I had several, including their first clunky laptop with greyish-green-yellow screen and 3.5″ floppies – yuck) into a faux haut couture company – buy our stuff and you’ll be one of the beautiful people. Good luck Apple if you can keep that up given how trendy fads don’t usually last very long.

But you see I was working at HP when they came out with this little gem, the snob symbol technology icon of that era. Of course it’s nowhere near as sexy as the iWatch, after all who but nerds want to calculate anything when you can instead monitor every aspect of your toned body and let the thing beep all the time to show how popular you are (that is, given the iPhone you have to carry to make the watch work hasn’t had its battery go dead).

Come on, reaching in your pocket for your phone is too much work! Why are you exercising then if you can’t move your hand and arm ten inches? Did you do too many reps at the gym and your oatmeal and quinoa has worn off and you don’t have the strength to get out your previous status symbol.

We don’t hear much about Google Glass any more as it quietly slips to the death it deserves. Apple is delusional that the problem with Glass was not that its owners didn’t like it, but it creeped out everyone else (true, but not the issue – what did the piece of junk actually do? tiny screen and almost no input, compared to a pedestrian Android phone that at least does something, plus maybe has its battery last long enough to be useful). Tech bibelots are just the fad of the day; lasting stuff lasts.

So I’ll have to work really hard to avoid LMAO when I see one of these babies on some idiot. Of course the regular ones will be just as stupid but without the cachet of ostentatious display of how much money you can waste.

But, hey – buy one and put it in safety deposit box for your great-grandchildren; as an antique it might be worth what you paid for it.


About dmill96

old fat (but now getting trim and fit) guy, who used to create software in Silicon Valley (almost before it was called that), who used to go backpacking and bicycling and cross-country skiing and now geodashes, drives AWD in Wyoming, takes pictures, and writes long blog posts and does xizquvjyk.
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