I haven’t bored you, Dear Reader, for a while with my weight loss (now maintenance) battles, so now I’ll do a quick post, for myself (to keep my attention on this effort). As any long-term readers know this was a common type of post in months past but something I’ve largely abandoned, partly out of disappointment in myself, partly as I don’t want to admit what’s happened. But that’s how it happens, the yo-yo weight loss and so now I’ll put myself on display as part of the incentive to myself to maintain my discipline. Here’s the history, as a reminder:
Note: I’m also suffering from the failure of my WiFi repeater and thus poor Net connectivity that makes posts, especially uploads of these graphs difficult.
So for about 10 months (the left side of the graph) I was on a steady downward march. The red line is the actually once-a-week (Sunday) weigh-in and the green line is a 6-month moving average which smooths some of the bumps. Previous bumps were due to vacations, which is a pardonable relapse of some weight gain, usually quickly reversed, because eating out is part of my vacation fun.
But of late (last five months or so) I’ve struggled to do the harder task (no mental reward of a nice steady decrease) of weight maintenance, better seen in this shorter-term graph:
The starting point of this graph is my return from a vacation in Boston, with the usual weight gain due to eating out, but with the usual rapid loss. The next bump is the end-of-year (Xmas, New Year’s) holiday bump, again with fairly rapid decline, although not quite to previous levels.
So it’s the fairly steady gain starting in week 126, about 5 months ago that is alarming. This is how it starts, one over-indulgence after another, one excuse (I’ll get back on track next week) after another, and then over the last couple of months where my life has been turned upside-down by having to put much more time and effort into caring for my 100YO mother with her end-of-life issues.
What doesn’t show on this graph (but in another in my spreadsheets) is the fairly steady 0.33lb/week gain since March 2015, resulting in about 10lb gain since my last low (which was near my target of 185lbs). Lots of reasons why this is happening, but the real message (to me) is that it is happening and undeniable, and unlike the vacation gains, not a short-term, easy-to-reverse kind of gain.
That means I need to calm my life and restore my discipline and get those 10lbs (real fat this time) back off. During my sustained loss I average just under 2.5lbs/week, so IOW, I have five weeks of the same type of discipline I had to get back to where I should be. My life circumstances aren’t (yet) very helpful for maintaining my focus, but I just have to not let that become a perpetual excuse.
So that leads to my first term in my title – Apathy. It was much easier in my first 10 months of significant and sustained loss. I was almost totally focused and rewarded for my effort with a nice set of numbers, providing the positive feedback to stay focused. But now, facing hunger every day for the next five weeks, plus a general tiredness and fatigue doing my exercise, I have a difficult mental battle with myself to actually care enough to put in the effort.
My initial weight loss was triggered by a doctor visit recommending drugs I didn’t want to take. Not only did I succeed in avoiding that I even eliminated the previous drugs I’d been taking (cholesterol control, BP control) and I really enjoyed accomplishing that. But today I’ve already had that “reward” and so I’m just looking at preventing getting back to the bad state I was before, which is, simply, not the same kind of incentive.
So my real battle starts now and as part of that I need to return to all the visible progress (or failure) via these posts, so stay tuned as I really try to turn the corner on all this.