Learning to live in silence

I like to talk, as anyone who knows me or even just reads this blog can easily conclude. Much of what I say is “negative” which as everyone knows no one likes (try putting that on a dating profile and see how many swipes you get). Sure a little yelling and whining and complaining is commonplace and accepted but really seeing the world for as dark as it is, that’s a no-no.

So I’ll say this now: as much as I can be labeled as seeing doom and gloom and the most negative scenario (and with the response, “I don’t want to hear”) I’m not going to come close to imagining how bad it really is going to be. Because I’d be incapable of murdering someone, because I’m basically honest and can’t imagine cheating others, because I can’t imagine inflicting pain on others for my personal gain. So much for having a clue about the people who can do all those things, the lynch mob about to take over our country.

As the shock of the murder of America is sinking in I am amused at all the people (lefties, mostly) who somehow, not wanting to believe the worst and preferring to live with delusions, say that it won’t be so bad, bouncing back from a resounding defeat of reason and decency with their optimism view that the evil fallen over America can somehow be tamed. And then, of course, they don’t want to hear someone like me talk about how limited their imagination can be about how awful it’s going to be.

So I have to learn to channel my despair into silence. And just sit back and watch as the unimaginable actually happens, that is until the official news agenda (not Fox, it’s way too liberal), modeled after North Korea or Iraq’s Baghdad Bob replace any semblance of “news”. People don’t want to hear how much life sucks because hopelessness is too hard to live with. In fact, some even go so far as to label those who see (and talk about) how life sucks as abnormal – depressed.

And who wants to listen to a downer?

Fortunately, until they start get censorship working with lessons from Chinese control over the Internet, I can still say what I want here. No one has to read this and be shaken out of their illusions they need to face a new day. But for me shouting into the wind with no one listening is sad, but now inevitable. We whine about evil or even just bad stuff as a way to relieve the pressure of the reality of that evil. But we don’t really want to accept any of the whining is actually true. So I can’t dissipate my own sense of how life sucks by ranting on about it because no one wants to listen.

An interesting part of the election is few Hillary supporter, who naturally expected to coast to victory, actually read any of the appalling stuff in Trump or the teabaggers platforms. I think it’s time we should learn to believe these people mean what they say. Some of us dismiss it all as just politics, pandering to voting blocks BUT we’re dealing with true believers here. They’re going to do unimaginable things that you could have learned about my actually listening to them, except you dismissed them as fringe. Now that “fringe” is in charge. ‘repeal and replace’ – the repeal part is true, forget the replace, even window dressing to pretend to care if people die if they can’t get medical care.

The typical liberal is an optimist and also someone who believes in basic goodness of people. Liberals spend little time down in the gutter with the ruthless, who dismiss any notions of civility, any loyalty to law, and least of all any sense of justice. They worship power and will do anything to get it. And then they will use it to crush others without even a shred of conscience.

But what is the power they seek? To protect themselves from what they thinks others might do to them (given their dark view of the world)? To right the wrongs they think have been done to them? A little? But mostly they seek power to impose it on others. The whole “religious freedom” meme has clearly been about their power to impose their religion on me. They’re on the offense not the defense. And winning is everything and winner-take-all. Actually my sense of humanity’s dark side is little different from theirs; they just choose to channel evil rather than denounce it.

Lots of people are going to be hurt in the next four years. And many will actually be killed, if not from direct action, then through neglect. Those with a lust for power can easily ignore the distress of others. Do you think this crowd gives a damn about the suffering they will cause killing health insurance for a hundred million (you think after killing Obamacare they’ll stop there, dream old; the “elderly” won’t predominantly for Repugs and they’ll soon get their chance to hope they can pay their medical bills when Medicare is also repealed)? A favorite plan of the Repugs is to turn Medicaid into block grants, i.e. give our Pete Ricketts a check to spend as he wishes. You really think that’s going to medical care for the poor instead of tax cuts for his rich rancher friends. Oh now, he’d never do that, let people die in the streets so so the rich gets more bucks. Dream on. Why do you think these people won’t kill you – you think they have the slightest moral restraint.

The religinuts demonstrated their colors. For decades they preach about values and then strongly support the most morally repugnant candidate possible. Talk about cognitive dissonance. How could they possibly do that? Because they want the power to force you and me to bend to their will. Convert or die, not just something that happens in repressive Islamic states. It’s Spanish Inquisition time, maybe with a few less bonfires. In zeal, in total conviction they’re right and everyone else is wrong, you think they’ll show any restraint? You think they’ll stop after they beat up gays? Dream on. It will be a frenzy that touches all of us, and then, as religion always does, they’ll turn it on each other. Which sect of xtianity will be the first to be labeled as apostate and then persecuted?

But no one wants to hear any of this. It’s too awful. It’s too much of a downer. Let’s live in our delusions that the world is a decent place, that only a few of our fellow human beings are psychopaths. Typical liberal naivete – people who seek power like this are unfeeling and brutal. Few liberals could kill a person with their bare hands, these people can, and get a mob cheering while they do it. Half of this country simply has no experience with how awful our species can be; sure, in some pathetic backwater country, like a Cambodia where Pol Pot can kill millions, but not here. We have all these checks and balances (did you note the ruling junta now controls all three and will be ruthless in imposing their orthodoxy?), we have respect of law (insured by who? courts (that can be packed)? cops (many in this country already distrust them, wait until Guiliani starts organizing his death squads as Attorney General)). Paraphrasing Stalin, how many divisions do the courts have? How many law-abiding judges will be left after the purge Trump will pull. But then our last resort is just human decency. Or these people aren’t monsters. They may have ideas different than ours but they care about the country and the people too. Ask the people in Haiti or some dictatorship in Africa or North Korea how much demagogues and their brownshirt mobs care about the people? How long until “second amendment rights” becomes the cover for death squads? Can’t happen here, only Argentina – dream on.

It’s awful and you don’t want to hear about. It can’t happen here with 200 years of rights guaranteed by law (right, law is what a majority of the votes in Congress say it is). The “liberal” 9th Circuit Court can simply be defunded, who’s going to stop that? The only protection you have is when the controlling interests accept the principles of law and justice and fairness. When they’re prepared to stomp anyone who gets in the way of their greed and lust for power, you think pieces of paper and traditions is going to stop them?

But outside this blog post I don’t get to say things like this. Not yet because of censorship but because anyone who can hear my voice doesn’t want to hear it saying these things. I personally and those connected with me will suffer. But it will be nothing compared to what happens to others. At least I’m a white male and if need be I can easily fake born-again to avoid the lash or bonfire or prison. No others will get screwed before me, and far worse. All I can do for them is share a sense of outrage, which will accomplish exactly nothing. I’m uncertain whether I can survive to my natural death (interesting that Trump wants to halt the right-to-die stuff in his words about healthcare yesterday, he wants to torture us, not have the way out of secobarbital). I’ve never lived in poverty, I doubt I’ll be able to cope when it hits me around 80YO and my funds have run out.

Even the few people I know how are equally terrified as me still don’t want to think of how bad it’s going to be. I even have heard Trump will be impeached (plenty of reasons to do it, but you think the stoodges he’s going to control in Congress would ever do that – no, he can murder someone, in person, on camera, and nothing will happen). Elizabeth Warren says she’ll fight him when he starts attacking people – would it be true, sorry Liz (who I admire) you think your voice means anything to a dictatorship. And, sure, funds for mental health care can be eliminated by executive order, but of course that’s not going to happen.

But I can’t talk about any of this because no one wants to hear. So my task, other than trying to figure out how to survive (as long as I can stand it, then where’s the black market secobarbital), is to learn to live in silence. My head is exploding with despair and other than these words I will have to learn to endure in silence.

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About dmill96

old fat (but now getting trim and fit) guy, who used to create software in Silicon Valley (almost before it was called that), who used to go backpacking and bicycling and cross-country skiing and now geodashes, drives AWD in Wyoming, takes pictures, and writes long blog posts and does xizquvjyk.
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2 Responses to Learning to live in silence

  1. Will Edwards says:

    Do not be silence but listen and see what is. Yes, it is a gigantic mess but accepting that would mean the end of humanity. We are all responsible, whatever we think of the other, or maybe because what we think of the other. You wrote a good piece and millions despair. We make too much noise.

    • dmill96 says:

      Thanks for the comment and I sympathize completely. I’m amazed at those who can have any optimism at this time and who vow to fight back. For my sake (and most of the rest of Americans) I wish you success and hope you’re right in resisting and maintaining hope.

      My post was a bit more personal than general observation about our times. The actual people I was thinking of will never read it. Those I actually talk to in person can’t stand the doom and gloom, they want to bury their heads in the sand and believe this isn’t happening or it won’t be that bad.

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